wife goggles

Notoriously, husbands tend to see their wives as hot, when they would never see some other woman of similar age as hot. If they are separated from their wife for a year or so, for example by divorce, the wife goggles fall off.

Wife goggles appear to happen primarily to fathers. If the wife does not have children, then as she grows older, she rapidly becomes less attractive, as any woman rapidly becomes less attractive past thirty.

In the ancestral environment, particularly in northerly lands, women and children were dependent on males for food. Therefore we are descended disproportionately from males who stuck around, but we are also descended disproportionately from males who only saw fertile age women as attractive.

One possible resolution of these conflicting requirements (natural selection wants man to hang out with fertile age woman, but natural selection wants man to stick with the mother of his children) is for a man to see his wife as always that age when he had children with her, or always as sexually attractive as she was at that age, which is to some substantial extent what happened to me. Which suggests that one should have children as young as possible.

15 Responses to “wife goggles”

  1. […] … or maybe, sixth, you just need Wife Goggles. […]

  2. Lex Corvus says:

    Which suggests that one should have children as young as possible.

    Or at least with as young a woman as possible.

  3. Johnny Caustic says:

    Nice that you threw in that personal bit at the end. It instantly tripled the credibility of what you’re saying.

  4. In the ancestral environment, particularly in northerly lands, women and children were dependent on males for food. Therefore we are descended disproportionately from males who stuck around

    But what about an old woman after her children are gone? She can’t have any more children, so her further survival doesn’t pass on her genes (unless she helps her grandchildren survive, or something). However, if her husband has sex with someone else, he can still have more children.

    These “wife goggles” should only last as long as the children (and possibly grandchildren?) need her nurture. Once that’s done, the husband should be done with her.

    • Notme says:

      unless she helps her grandchildren survive
      Yes, this is reason nature lets women live after menopause, also men since sexual dimorphism would be more expensive than letting men live long (also nipples)

  5. spandrell says:

    This is so cute. Who said reactionaries can’t be romantic?

    On the other hand the Japanese have a word, ???, which means “people who love their wives”. Implied is that most men don’t.

  6. Lesser Bull says:

    It’s not being romantic, its recognizing biology. Fatherhood drives physical and hormonal changes that make you more interested in pair-bonding and shared life history.

    • spandrell says:

      Well, as I said in East Asia it’s common for married man to lose all sexual interest in their wives after childbirth, and middle aged men all look for mistresses if they can afford to. The Japanese have a word that means “man who loves his wife”, which assumes most people don’t, and Confucians had elaborate norms telling men to sleep with their older wives with a set frequency; which assumes they had to be told to.

      Then again that may only apply to the literate class, which generally married when older. It’s my impression that Asian peasants are generally affectionate with their wives, they also generally married very young.

      Or maybe it’s just about lifestyle; upper class men spent little time at home, peasants worked with their wives as a team.

      • jim says:

        It is possible that wife goggles only stay in place if one spends sufficient time with one’s wife. This has been the case in examples of wife goggles suddenly falling off.

      • Baker says:

        > Asian peasants are generally affectionate with their wives, they also generally married very young.

        And they are perfectly willing to throw their wife under the bus if that means they can get rich and have better mistresses. When you can’t have a better choice, you may as well make your current choice most adorable. This is basic human psychological optimization mostly happening at unconscious level.

        Loving his wife and having mistresses are not mutually exclusive though. If man can physically provide for more than one then he can psychologically love more than one. Again, psychological optimization.

        • spandrell says:

          It’s not about willingness to provide, Jim talks of finding her hot. A good measure would be frequence of sex after 40. It seems to me Asians lack at that.

          • Baker says:

            Hotness is almost synonymous with fertility. If the wife is fertile, yes hotness can be extended somewhat. A 40-ish wife is not hot. Though she may still be somewhat sexually attractive due to love, need for psychological bounding, and a lack of better sexual option.

            The asian view is quite realistic. Japanese, as in everything, dwell in extremes.

  7. […] Wife goggles: one should have children as young as possible. […]

  8. Cav says:

    One of the more profound scriptures is “Remember the wife of your youth”

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